This is one of those questions we are forced to consider these days. I sometimes address these kind of questions from the pulpit, but normally, controversy requires both careful thought and two-way discussion. That’s why I’m addressing this in a blog. But this question also became a hot button topic last year when noted preacher Alistair Begg, whose opposition to homosexual practice is well known, answered this question affirmatively.

Another reason I’m writing about this is because this question is not merely theoretical for me. I write out of pain and sorrow. Neither is this question theoretical for some of you. Yet it is the duty of a teacher to give guidance, and in our era of innovation about sexual morals, I find it important to address issues like this.

When Alistair Begg voiced his opinion in January 2024, the world of orthodox American Christianity found its collective jaw on the floor. Begg was widely criticized and quickly disinvited from speaking at two Christian conferences. Begg’s reasoning, though, should be considered. He cited Jesus’ command to love our enemies. It’s important for anyone considering this question to ask candidly and prayerfully, “Am I manifesting the love of Jesus in my decision?” If you face a decision on this issue, that question should not remain a conversation only in your own head. We need to invite others who are thoughtful and able to prioritize God’s will over our own into that conversation.

Interestingly, two former lesbians (both Christians and well known writers) clearly disagreed with Alistair Begg. Jacki Hill Perry, author of Gay Girl Good God, disliked how Begg was cancelled, and criticized the reactive way some Christians treated his opinion; but she states in a podcast that there’s no way she could support or celebrate a gay wedding. That is also the opinion of Rosario Butterfield, author of Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert.

What do we do when a favorite uncle, whose homosexuality has been open for years, decided to marry his long-time live-in boyfriend? Or the daughter of a dear friend decides to marry another woman? How does it affect relationships in the office if we decline to attend the gay wedding of a co-worker?

As a way of answering, I’ll pose two questions we need to mull over.

First, if I decline the invitation to the wedding, am I prepared for the consequence to the relationship with my friend? Often at first our friend will say something like, “It saddens me, but I respect your decision”. Later it may come out that they were very hurt and angry about the decision, and they now wish to distance themselves from the friendship. Are we ready for that consequence?

Another question we should ask if we accept the invitation is whether we are prepared for the consequence in our relationship with God.

“Consequence? What consequence? God loves everyone! Only a mean-spirited person can’t see that.” That’s one view of the matter. Another view we need to consider, though, is from Romans 1. In that passage Paul describes several specific sins, including male and female homosexual behavior, as an outgrowth of rejecting God. In verse 28 he names a consequence:

“Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind.”

The consequence God assigned was not to immediately zap them with a lightning bolt. That understanding of God’s judgment is childish. A more sophisticated understanding of God’s judgment is that it is gradual. When we reject God’s word, our mind and our opinions slowly become formed by secular media, unbelieving friends, and unbiblical teachers. Paul says the eventual consequence is that “they become filled with every kind of wickedness.”

Does that sound harsh? Maybe. But it’s the logical and natural consequence of rejecting God.

Paul concludes this passage with a word to those who support what God clearly says is sin.

“Although they know God’s righteous decree… they approve those who practice them.”

That, for me, is the decisive verse.

Keep in mind that to your gay friend, this is nonsense. Paul’s opinion belongs to a medieval world filled by devils with pitchforks. If you take the bible seriously, especially this passage, you are likely to be viewed as a hater. That, I can tell you, is no fun at all.

For me this dilemma is solved by clear thinking on what love actually is. It is not loving to celebrate someone’s choice to tread a destructive path. Rather it’s enabling, and it’s cowardice.

Twenty years ago the liberal cry was “Tolerance! We ask only for tolerance of diversity.” But now that homosexuality has been widely accepted in entertainment and in the Supreme Court, liberals are more aggressive. They often refuse to grant tolerance to those of whom they asked it not so long ago. Many now consider themselves righteous to cancel those who hold a biblical opinion. Again, be ready to count the cost if you decide not to attend the wedding.

I myself will not attend such a wedding. I made that clear to a dear friend, and our friendship has suffered as a result. That hurts. It hurts him too.

I’m struck, though, by something I see happening with transgender people. More and more we hear stories of “de-transitioners” who bitterly regret their decision to change their gender. Many are angry at medical staff, family, and counselors who encouraged their choice. I sorrow at their agony; but they tell a cautionary tale. When deception is allowed to thrive, people we love get hurt.